Nett and I were emotionally exhausted on our return from our trip to India. We didn’t feel that this had given us any real closure for our grief over our loss of Michael. However we did at least have the comfort of feeling that we had done what he would have wanted from us by returning his remains to the river Ganges at his beloved “home away from home” in Rishikesh. Nett still suffered from recurring nightmares from her experiences in Pondicherry. She was also plagued with feelings of guilt that she could have somehow done something to save Michael. In reality there was never anything that could have been done by either of us. Nett had been through the worst possible experience that any mother should ever have to endure, having been present both at the birth and at the death of her son. This was to haunt her for a long time.
Several years passed before the “flashbacks” that tortured Nett about those terrible days at the JIPMER hospital in Pondicherry started to abate. These usually occurred as she was trying to get to sleep, or during her sleep. As time went by, her memory of those days gradually started to fade, even eventually getting to the point of barely remembering them at all. This was brought home to me when, many years later, she asked me in a puzzled tone of voice: “Didn’t we have some connection with a place called Pondicherry at one time?” I don’t know what prompted her question. Thankfully we were then interrupted before I had to come up with an answer. She never brought it up again. We spoke of Michael many times afterwards, especially during those occasions when we marked his birth and death anniversaries, but we never talked again about those dark days in India. Whether her mind formed some sort of protective layer of selective amnesia I do not know. I was just thankful that she eventually found some peace of mind.
We now had to face the task of getting our lives back together as best we could. Sandra continued to be a wonderful support for Nett and we returned to playing bridge on a regular basis which we both found to be a relaxing diversion.
The time now came when Nett felt that it was time to have surgery done on her feet to fix her bunions problem (Hallus Valgus). This was what had cut short her nursing career in her early twenties (see the Campbelltown chapter of this website). She had got by since then with specially fitted orthotics which allowed her to undertake most activities without too much restriction. She now felt, in consultation with her podiatrist, that modern surgery had advanced to the point where it could now fix her problem. As with all her specialist treatments (and mine as well) we sought out the best surgeon available regardless of cost. The one we chose was Dr Kim Slater, a leading orthopaedic surgeon who specialised in feet and ankles. He carried out the operation on both of Nett’s feet at the same time at Castlecrag Private Hospital in March of that year (2004). Recovery took several weeks but the result was an outstanding success. Nett could now walk freely over long distances without pain.
In the meantime Peter, having returned from India soon after us, made immediate plans to join Yvette in London. He left Australia soon after Nett’s operation and would eventually spend over three years with her there. We were now empty nesters! We took a train holiday to Coffs Harbour later that year and spent Christmas at a restaurant in Berry with Pop, Brian, Fran and Rob.
The next year we traded in our Citroen for a Honda CR-V with the aim of using it to tow a caravan in the next phase of our travelling. We then acquired a new A-Liner A-Van caravan. It was very compact, especially when folded, which made it easy to tow. Its interior was well laid out, though cramped. It had an excellent small kitchen and Nett loved to be able to prepare good meals while we were on the road. We took it for its first runs for two nights each to Umina and then further north to Myall Lakes. For Christmas we took it to Culburra to provide Christmas lunch for Pop there.
Nett really loved the caravan lifestyle, provided always that we stayed at powered campsites where we could connect power and water. It was important for us to be comfortable with as many mod cons as we could get. These included facilities at these campgrounds with hot showers and, in many cases, laundry facilities. This way we always felt clean and refreshed each morning for whatever the day might bring. We also had a TV aerial but often got poor reception at the remote locations we usually stayed at. Still, we never wanted to be roughing it!
The next year, 2007, was more eventful for us. We made one lengthy caravan trip to Victoria’s Great Ocean Road, getting as far as Wangaratta (spending 19 nights on the road). It was great to see a part of Australia that we hadn’t seen before.
Then came our really big trip, to Far North Queensland, eventually getting all the way up to Karumba on the Gulf of Carpentaria. It was an amazing trip during which we saw so much of a world that was quite new to us. A wonderful highlight was when Nett was able to enjoy a fresh barramundi outdoor dinner at Karumba while we watched the magnificent sunset over the Gulf. Life couldn’t could get any better than this!
We then travelled across to Cairns to stay with Brian and Fran’s daughter Lyndal and her then partner, Michael Brown. Peter flew out from London to join us there for a short break from English weather!
The five of us took a day out to drive up as far as Port Douglas, an incongruously luxurious resort in the middle of rainforest territory! Peter then left to return to London while Nett and I spent an idyllic few days on Green Island before heading south for home. In the meantime we had received the news that Pop had been transferred from his hostel accommodation at his retirement village to the nursing home wing there and had subsequently broken his hip in a fall. We made a quick visit on our way south to Nett’s Uncle Arthur in Townsville. Nett had always been especially fond of Arthur. He was dying from emphysema so this was a sad occasion for her. We made another quick visit to my cousin Liz Garson in Palmwoods, on the Sunshine Coast. We then drove on to Sydney and straight through to Culburra, still with our caravan, to see what we could do for Pop. There wasn’t much and he remained wheelchair-bound for the rest of his life. We arranged (and paid for) a local friend to visit him each day before returning home. We had spent 53 nights in our caravan all up, an exhausting but most enjoyable trip.
After a few weeks to recover we took the caravan for a four day trip to Nett’s birthplace, Junee, which is described in the Junee chapter in this website. We had, in the meantime, been trying to sell our Bobbin Head Road home for over a year before finally succeeding. We then put a deposit on what was to be our new home at Villa 1, 2 Auluba Road on the southern side of Turramurra.
Pop died in Culburra on 14 December 2006, just a few weeks after his brother Arthur whom we had visited in Townsville. It was sad for Nett but inevitable as Pop’s health had declined quite rapidly in the last few months. His long life is described by Nett as a personal mini-biography in his own special chapter in this website.
We moved into our new home in early February 2007. It was wonderful to enjoy the experience of living in a brand new, well-built house after more than 30 years in the crumbling surrounds of our previous home. Everything was so clean and well-designed. Nett had a spacious, modern kitchen which she really loved. Much of our old furniture was unsuitable for our new premises so Nett spent much time planning and choosing what she wanted for this place. The result was, and still is, brilliant!
We got on very harmoniously with the occupants of the other two villas in our common property. John and Helen Deall lived in Villa 2 and Margaret Sutch was in Villa 3. They were wonderful neighbours. They were in addition most supportive of me after Nett died.
Having happily settled in to our new premises we then took our caravan for another run, this time to join Brian and Fran in an “Opera in the Paddock” event near Inverell. Nett’s Auntie Dick had just died so, after the opera evening, we then made the trip from there to Parkes for her funeral. She was the last of her generation now that Arthur and Pop were gone, so it was a solemn gathering attended by a large number of the extended Carter clan.
Then, back home, came what was to be such an important event over the last part of Nett’s life, the formation of her Book Club. A previous incarnation of this club had been started a few years earlier by her brother Robert, so now Nett wanted to continue this. We advertised for potential members and had our first meeting at our home in May 2007. Barbara Smith was one of those who responded to our ad and she was to become a lifelong friend for Nett.
Barbara was a regular member of the book club over its years and she contributed many excellent books to its reading list. She became a wonderfully supportive friend during Nett’s later medical issues. She visited her many times, both at our home and in hospitals. An experienced senior operating theatre nurse in her career, she gave Nett a lot of excellent advice on dealing with the many and various ailments that beset her. Nett always felt calmer and more reassured after her visits.
Family and friends made up most of the inaugural Book Club attendance in May 2007. Rob, Laura, Sandra and Saguna were there, plus new members Barbara (introduced above) and Thelma Murphy. Other people came and went over the years but this group formed the core of the club from its beginning. Jane Dale joined later to become part of the final membership of the group when its meetings came to an end in May 2017.
Nett loved the ongoing warmth and companionship of this gathering, which was nearly always held at our place, and her wonderful leadership skills ensured that it remained a happy, well-run and close-knit group during its lifetime.
We made one more caravan trip later that year to the western side of Wyangala Dam, near Cowra. Our three day trip there took in the beautiful Japanese Memorial Garden and also a private observatory where we got excellent close-up views of the night sky. Meanwhile Peter and Yvette left London and returned to Australia in time to join us for Christmas.
Our highlight for the following year was a seven day trip to Fiji to visit Robert who had gone there as an education volunteer. We did some wonderful sightseeing, including a “Sigatoka River Cruise” which took us upstream to a remote village in the high ground.
However, none of us liked Fiji, partly because of the widespread poverty among its people, but more particularly because of the high level of domestic violence that occurred in many local families. Robert had to confront some quite brutal examples of this.
Rob decided to cut short his volunteering stint in Fiji. He returned home soon after us and moved to Bellingen. We took our caravan to visit him there before moving on to Lake Keepit State Park. This was probably our least enjoyable caravan trip because there was so little of interest there.
For Christmas that year (2008) we, Peter and Yvette joined Brian and Fran’s family at their daughter Jo’s property at High Range near Mittagong.
Next year, Nett was able to realise her dream of watching a major tennis tournament live. She had always been an enthusiastic follower of these events on television for many years. This time we booked a package which took in the women’s and men’s finals of the Australian Open in Melbourne. It was incredibly hot there, reaching 45 degrees, but that was more than compensated for by what was on offer. We saw Serena Williams easily win the women’s final. Then our travel group got to listen to a fascinating talk by John Newcombe the next morning, ahead of the upcoming Federer-Nadal men’s final. He told us that we were so privileged to be about to watch two of the all-time greats in action. And indeed we were! That night Nett was absolutely enthralled to watch this final from our excellent seats in the Rod Laver Arena.
It went to five exhilarating sets which ended with victory to Rafael Nadal. Nett was in seventh heaven!
The following few months were taken up by a prostatectomy operation for me and a breakfast visit to our home by Dr Ananda from Michael’s Ashram in Pondicherry. We made another four-night caravan trip to Wellington/Dubbo where we revisited the Western Plains Zoo, last seen when Nett took me there for a birthday treat. Then we made another trip to Lake Glenbawn State Park in the Upper Hunter Valley from which we visited the famous Burning Mountain.
And now came the saddest of times for Nett. The health of her greatest friend Sandra, which had never been good, had been declining steadily during the year. She had multiple symptoms which were severely affecting different parts of her body. Nett spent much time supporting her at her home, doing everything possible to make her comfortable. But then, sadly but inevitably, the time came when she had to be admitted for palliative care at Neringah Hospital in Wahroonga. She remained there for almost three months from October 2009, and we visited her every single day. We took her out as much as possible, and we were able to bring her to two final book club meetings at our home, but eventually further outings were no longer possible. She became bedridden. Afterwards she gradually slipped into unconsciousness. She finally passed away during the early morning of 7th January 2010 at the age of 67. Nett was devastated by the loss of her greatest lifetime friend who had been such a great source of comfort and support during so many difficult times.
Sandra left all her possessions to Nett, deliberately bypassing her estranged sister Marcia. She set out how she wanted her funeral to be conducted, and we followed her instructions to the letter. This is the eulogy that Nett gave for Sandra at her funeral:
Sandra and I have been best friends for nearly 50 years. We met, when Sandra was still a teenager, as DOCS public servants working in Adoptions. We were complete opposites. Sandra was the serious bushwalker and I was the party girl, but somehow we bonded. We then went on to do our training as District Officers – Sandra eventually was sent to Burwood and I to Canberra.
While I married, travelled overseas and had children, Sandra eventually left DOCS to start her own antiques shop. She had quite an eye for quality antiques and we would joke that she had nothing under $700. After about five years of this, Sandra rejoined DOCS in 1978 and was posted to Ryde.
She eventually rose to become a District Manager, a highly stressful and demanding position which she carried out with considerable dedication. She was responsible for a large staff and started a number of innovative and successful programmes which still operate today, benefitting many children and families. She left DOCS in 1991 to work part-time.
All through her life, Sandra travelled extensively and adventurously, including trips to Antarctica and the Galapagos Islands. Health problems then began to seriously affect her body but never her fiercely independent spirit. For example, in later years, when she could no longer bowl she designed and built herself an ingenious stool which enabled her to bowl sitting down. Shell collecting then became a major interest for her. She became an expert in micro shells and one of her shells is on permanent display in the Australian Museum where she worked as a volunteer. Her shell craft was amazing and she won several international and national awards for her beautiful work.
She had a creative mind, and writing and painting were among her many interests. She was an independent thinker: as a member of our book club, Sandra’s down-to-earth attitude and dislike of any form of pretension trashed many literary reputations!
We had many wonderful times together over the years and also supported each other through difficult times. We were always there for each other. We both had the same birthdays – just 2 years apart so we always celebrated together – starting always with a gin and tonic (Gordons gin and Schweppes’ tonic water of course, at Sandra’s insistence).
Sandra’s last few years were very difficult because of her serious and multiple medical conditions but she showed great courage and faced each setback with a stoic dignity.
At the end, she was in Neringah Hospital for almost 3 months and endeared herself to the staff there with her serenity and matter-of-fact acceptance of her fate.
A great light has gone from my life and I will miss her forever.
We took Sandra’s ashes to her favoured Mona Vale beach and released them into the sea at the northern end, as she had wished.
She had told Nett previously that she would summon a pelican to appear on this occasion as a sign from her. These birds were rarely seen on this beach but, sure enough, one swooped overhead and landed nearby after Sandra’s ashes were released. Nett was amazed and greatly heartened in her belief that Sandra must surely now be in a good place.
There was an enormous amount of work to do in clearing away Sandra’s possessions and putting her flat on the market. Much of what she left for Nett, mainly items that were left over from her earlier antiques business, still remain in my home today. Among these is a pair of small scale bronze-cast replicas of the famous pair of life size “Marly Horses” statues outside the Louvre in Paris. Sandra was given these by a favourite customer of her antique shop who wanted her to keep them in her family. As Sandra’s de facto family, I want my own family to keep and pass these down the generations, just as Sandra asked me to.
We didn’t have much time to dwell on our loss of Sandra. We were now brought into an amazing adventure, to become part of a film shoot for Nett’s brother Robert’s feature-length movie “Thirst”. The location would be in the desert west of Silverton, and we were to be based in Broken Hill.
Next Chapter: “Thirst”
Nett 