Nett had now chalked up her half century and, with her boys well into high school, was now looking forward a freer lifestyle. With retirement from full time work just five years away she would soon have the opportunity to live her own life.
In the meantime, just after her 50th birthday, we were to have our last holiday together as a family. This was on a houseboat on the Hawkesbury River. It was a time of heavy rains and the river was in flood. We battled up against the raging waters to reach Richmond, then “surfed” back down again to Broken Bay. Quite exhilarating! This year’s pre-Christmas camping trip for me and the boys took us to Myall Lakes.
The next year, 1991, Nett and I finally gave in to pressure from the boys and took in two dogs to add to the two cats in our household, both females. Michael wanted a pedigree St Bernard from a breeder whilst Peter was happy with a Rottweiler/Labrador cross from the RSPCA. They were called respectively Steffi and Gabby, named after the leading female tennis players of that time, Steffi Graf and Gabriella Sabatini. Their arrival made our home much more chaotic but they turned out to be lovely, friendly pets.
Sadly, we were then struck with the first of several deaths that were to occur over the next few years. Nett’s Nanna Harvey died in May at Liverpool Hospital. Nett rushed to be at her grandmother’s bedside and got there just in time to feel her Nanna’s hand tighten ever so slightly on hers before she passed away. Nett always remained convinced after this that her grandmother waited for her before departing. Nanna was in her 90s by then. Then, just three months later, Nett’s own mother died suddenly and unexpectedly from massive heart failure in Nowra Hospital at the age of 73. (She had been admitted there for unrelated treatment). This was a total shock to Nett and her brothers, and especially to Pop, as there had been no indication that this might happen. Her contented life in Culburra was tragically cut short. Two deaths of people who had been so close to her throughout her life was devastating to Nett. She stayed in Culburra with her Pop for a week or two before she felt able to leave him there (with the support of his neighbours).
Back home Nett then had to deal with a medical situation. She underwent a skin graft operation on her nose with the removal of a cancerous growth. This was the first of what was to be a long string of medical procedures that Nett had to endure over the coming years. Before Christmas I again took the boys camping, this time to a beach with the unusual name of Delicate Nobby, near Crescent Head.
According to our diary the following year, 1992, was, by contrast, much quieter. There is no record of us going away for a holiday that year. I took only Peter for the year-end camping trip as Michael must have found something better that he preferred! We went to Delicate Nobby again. Then on Christmas Day, after we got back, we had a major drama. Nett was suddenly attacked by crippling stomach pains. I rushed her to Hornsby Hospital where the doctors (on their Christmas Day roster) diagnosed gall stones. This was subsequently confirmed by a specialist. The pain quickly eased but surgery was going to be needed.
At the start of 1993 Fil and Harriet arrived for a five month stay with their two children, Alison and James. They rented a cottage at Tacoma, near Wyong, and enrolled their children at the local primary school for a term. Nett and I visited them often. In May of that year she had her gall bladder removal surgery (following her Christmas Day drama) at the Wahroonga San Hospital.
Tragically there came two more family deaths in rapid succession. First was Len Wright, Nett’s sister-in-law Fran’s uncle. We had got to know and love him in England back in 1970 (see the Scotland chapter of this website). He had to come to Australia to live with Brian and Fran following the sudden death of his wife Ivy. Len died peacefully at Camden Hospital. His funeral was “celebrated” with much consumption of his favourite flagon wine! He was a wonderful character, much loved by everyone. He was renowned for his colourful cricket commentaries while umpiring in local matches!
Then, especially sadly for Nett, her beloved Auntie Gwen passed away at Strathfield Hospital. She had been addicted to APC powders for much of her life and these finally destroyed her kidneys. She was just 67. Her regular Sunday phone calls to Nett had been a feature of both their lives. She left Nett a most generous inheritance which was to make a huge difference to our later lives. Nett was the executor of her aunt’s estate and there was a lot of work for us to do in this regard.
Later that year Nett and I spent part of Gwen’s inheritance on a holiday in Tasmania, as she would have wanted us to do. We drove down to Melbourne and crossed on the car ferry to Launceston. We spent three weeks covering much of Tasmania, a delightful experience. We visited Strahan and Macquarie Harbour on the west coast and then watched the nightly fairy penguin trip ashore at a beach on the east coast. We then enjoyed a couple of nights at the Wrest Point hotel/casino in Hobart. In Melbourne on the way back we had lunch with Julie Taylor, one of Nett’s former Allotment Officers from DOCS twenty years earlier who had since married and moved to Melbourne. She had kept in touch with Nett over the years. Then we spent the night with my sister Griselda and her husband Cam who were living in the suburb of Eltham at the time.
After we got back home we then spent another part of Gwen’s inheritance on second hand cars for the boys who were 19 and 17 by then. It turned out to be an ill-advised gesture on our part as they soon wrecked them! Later that year Nett set off on a holiday to England with Sandra and another friend.
1995 came round. The boys were now at University and had moved out of our home. Michael was at Newcastle. Peter moved in to a flat in Edgecliff with her school girlfriend, Yvette Hamilton. She is now his life partner and mother to my two grandsons, but that is another story!
So, all of a sudden, Nett and I were empty nesters! This turned out to be something of a delusion in these first few years as the boys often found the need to return home for all sorts of reasons! Boomerang kids, as they were called. Still, it was a heady feeling to be on our own and this was soon to be accentuated when Nett reached her early retirement age of 55.
We celebrated with a lovely weekend at a boutique hotel called Jonah’s at Whale Beach.
It was at this point that the rest of Gwen’s inheritance proved to be most timely. Nett had been contributing whilst working to the NSW public service’s first superannuation scheme. On retirement she was able to top up her contributions to the maximum allowable, and this resulted in her receiving a very beneficial indexed pension for life (and I still benefit from part of this now). (This super scheme has now been discontinued as it was too generous to be sustainable!).
For a change of pace we both attended Buddhism classes at Camperdown. Nett got more from these than I did but we did not continue on with them. A lovely guest house holiday at Barrington Tops National Park came in May of that year, then Nett went back to DOCS as a part-time substitute care contractor. This mainly involved running evening classes for potential foster parents to prepare them for their future responsibilities. She developed a training manual for this course which was still in use in DOCS many years later.
Life continued quietly for both of us into next year. Fil came to stay and we visited a Turner exhibition at the National Gallery in Canberra. Nett’s niece Jo’s wedding in Camden was followed by a reception on Bowral. Then Nett came with me to one of my work conferences in Perth, a city she loved. We stayed on afterwards to explore some of the nearby attractions.
Nett’s medical issues continued. She started to develop partial paralysis of her right foot. This turned out to be the result of nerve damage from a spinal disc protruding into her spinal cord which required immediate surgery if the problem was not to get worse. This was carried out at St Vincents Private Hospital in Darlinghurst. Whilst waiting for the operation to commence she was inspired to write this very beautiful and moving handwritten letter to me in her own unique, intensely personal style:
The operation was a partial laminectomy, a very delicate procedure indeed, and Nett was justifiably nervous about the outcome. She needn’t have worried. It was a brilliant success and she never had foot trouble from this source again. The doctor deserves a special shout-out: it was Dr Peter Bentivoglio, a neurosurgeon from St Vincents Clinic. Recovery took several days, but all went well.
The next year, 1997, Nett and Sandra came with me to a conference in Wellington, NZ. They did the sightseeing there while I attended the conference! Afterwards we moved to Christchurch for a few days of more sightseeing. We were glad to have been able to see this beautiful city as it was before the devastation of the 2013 earthquakes. A highlight was a punt ride down the beautiful River Avon.
Whilst there we also took a mini-tour out to the mountains in the west, and this included a helicopter ride over Mount Cook.
Back home Nett finished up at DOCS and finally retired for good! Her pleasure was short-lived, however, as she was struck by a severe asthma attack which required being rushed to the emergency ward at Wahroonga San hospital. She eventually recovered but required regular consultations for several years thereafter by a thoracic specialist until her condition stabilised.
On my birthday in July Nett took me to a special treat: several days in a luxury tent at a special facility at Western Plains Zoo at Dubbo. This was a fascinating experience which took in several behind-the-scenes mini-tours. The year concluded with a Carter clan gathering held by Nett’s cousin May Bailey at Old Bar, near Taree on Boxing Day. Nett’s Pop came along with us and was in his element, holding court to awed relatives!
The only noteworthy event for the next year, 1998, was another birthday treat for me from Nett where she took me to a holiday cabin at Kurrajong. Being in high country in the middle of winter it was very cold, but a wonderful new experience!
1999 also passed quietly. We had a great holiday on Fraser Island. We rented a 4WD and careened about on the wide beaches and into the interior! It was a unique ecological environment in which dingoes wandered calmly through the holiday accommodation precinct!
The next year Nett turned 60, but I don’t know what we did on this occasion! In May she came with me to another conference, this time to Adelaide. As always she did the sightseeing while I did the conferencing! After the conference we took a short day tour to Kangaroo Island, very much a different island experience to Fraser Island. I remember the trees there groaning under the weight of all the koalas on them, no threat of extinction here!
In September of that year the Olympic Games came to Sydney. Nett and I became volunteers for this memorable event. My job was a humdrum one of being a driver for various international officials, but Nett’s was much more interesting. She was part of a VIP hosting team at Ryde pool where the water polo events were being held. She became famous for refusing admittance to the Queen of Spain! Her Highness had wandered in on her own with no identification, but this was quickly sorted out when her minders rushed in a few moments later! The Spanish Queen took it all in good humour, exchanging smiles with Nett afterwards.
Nett also got to hold one of the winning Australian female team’s gold medals at the end of the event. She then volunteered for the Paralympic Games which followed the Olympics. This time she was based in the Wentworth Hotel in the city but I can’t remember what her role there was.
Nett then registered with Adult Migrant English Service (AMES) a government body providing English language tutoring to migrants. Nett signed on as a volunteer tutor and got some training in how to help clients become more fluent in English. She had at least three students over the next couple of years that I recall, all Muslim females. Being the kind of person that she was, Nett found herself helping these women with their adjustment problems well beyond their language needs!
In the meantime Nett and I had been taking Italian lessons in preparation for our long cherished dream of spending some time in Italy. We quickly discovered that we had little affinity for learning a new language, especially at our late ages! We thought we might pick up the lingo more quickly in the country itself so we booked in to a language school in Perugia in the centre of the country.
When we got there we found that our Italian did not improve greatly but this was still a fascinating place from which to explore the country. Assisi and Orvieto were notable nearby highlights. After the course was over we were joined by Fil and Harriet and we rented a car to explore further afield, taking in Pisa and Ravenna among many other places.
In Ravenna we met up with a woman named Gail Carter who certainly seemed to bear a family resemblance to many of Nett’s relatives, but she was not interested in pursuing any possible family links.
After Fil and Harriet left to return to Canada we used Italy’s excellent train service to travel to Florence, La Spezia, Cinque Terra, Milan, Vincenzia and Venice. In the latter place we were lucky enough to get a hotel room overlooking the Grand Canal, just in time for Nett’s birthday!
Having explored the north of the country we then relocated from Perugia to an apartment in Rome and from there did trips to Sicily and Pompeii. Rome itself had more than enough to see to fill in the month that we spent there, and we certainly saw a lot!
Then we moved on to England where the language and ready access to public toilets were thankfully so much easier! We visited my father and stepmother in Hartest, Suffolk and made a nostalgic return to Scotland where we had lived for a year in 1970 (see the Scotland chapter in this blog). This included standing outside (but not visiting) Nett’s former workplace at Edinburgh University Press.
Then I got the opportunity to attend an international conference in Paris, so we boarded the Channel tunnel train (a fascinating experience) and stayed at a poky little hotel room near the Gare du Nord. Again I did the conferencing while Nett did the sightseeing. She got horribly lost on the city’s complex Metro system! A trip to the Palace of Versailles rounded off our Paris journey.
Then it was time to return home. We stopped off in Hong Kong where Nett’s brother Robert and his then partner Pauline Chan were living at the time. I remember a meal of chicken feet at a restaurant that the three of them enjoyed while I most definitely abstained!
We finally got home, exhausted but immensely satisfied after four months of travel. Michael had been looking after our home, and earning himself a few dollars by renting out rooms in our house to students and other tenants. He then took off for Delhi at the start of his pilgrimage towards his dream of learning to become a yoga teacher at an Indian institution. This photo of when we farewelled Michael is the last one ever taken of our family together.
We then settled down back home while I set about working off my last year before my own retirement. In September Nett and I took Pop to Parkes to visit two of Nett’s cousins there, Ethel (“Dick”) and Gladys. Then, in December, we explored a possible retirement lifestyle option by renting a campervan for a trip down the NSW South Coast. The same month Peter and his then girlfriend Krissy took off for India for the start of a long trip across Asia. Michael had by then already left India for Taiwan.
So now we come to the year 2002, a year when our world was to be completely turned upside down in such a tragic way. It started off with both our fathers receiving replacement heart valve operations at the same time but at opposite ends of the world!
I finally retired from work in April and we immediately went on a holiday to Hawaii, taking Sandra with us. Before we left on this trip we decided to get our affairs in order. We updated our wills and Nett added a personal letter to our boys – just in case some disaster happened and we didn’t survive the trip! This is a beautiful letter which shows the great love she had for our boys. Much of this letter is taken up with final wishes for the disposal of our possessions so I have left that part out. Here is the rest of it:
We had a great holiday in Hawaii, very different to our previous one-day visit there in 1967, thirty five years earlier. And we got back safely, so her “last” letter to our boys remained in our files!
Meanwhile in Asia Michael left Taiwan and headed westward back to India whilst Peter and Krissy travelled eastward towards Taiwan where they hoped to find work as Michael had done. Their paths crossed in Ankhor Wat, Cambodia for an enjoyable three days together before resuming their separate journeys.
In July Nett and I started beginners’ classes in bridge at Lindfield in further preparation for our planned leisurely retirement lifestyle. All seemed to be going smoothly for the whole family as we pursued our separate courses in life. The boys were happily backpacking in Asia, with Michael finally arriving in Pondicherry, in south east India, to start his six month yoga teacher’s training course. Nett and I were engaged in planning all sorts of retirement ventures for ourselves. Our relationship had also become so much closer over the last few years now that we no longer had the distractions of work or raising our sons.
Then, completely out of the blue, came the most shocking and savage blow imaginable to our family, the sudden and totally unexpected death of our beloved son Michael.
Next Page: Michael’s Death
Nett 